Embrace The Change<
Someone recently told me, in a prophetic tone, “embrace the change”. I like to embrace change. I like to embrace the GOOD kind of change. I do not like to embrace the bad kind of change. Right after that, my world has changed a lot! Some things I never expected happened. Things I do not like. It’s hard to keep moving forward and embrace change like this! It makes me want to bail! My instincts are telling me “get out while you can”, my brains are telling me to calm down and keep cool, let things play out a little longer, don’t make any hasty decisions you’ll regret later, but be prepared at all times to step up to the next challenge or change. I don’t like using my brain – really, sometimes I just want it to shut up! And let me do what I “feel” like doing.
I used to be a little more uneven tempered than I am today. My emotions would fly off in every which way. I’ve learned to control them a little more, no pills needed, thank you very much! But I still have those little flare-ups. It has been everything I can do to keep myself under control these last few weeks. I don’t like it when the bad guys win. I hate injustice. I hate it when people get away with stuff that is naughty, and I mean shady, slick snakes.
I know that eventually we all get what’s coming to us. We will reap what we sew. If we are continuously dishonest & deceptive or take advantage of people, eventually no one will want to associate with us – we will be found out. If we mistreat those people in our lives who have been entrusted to us, eventually they will not stick around and allow it anymore, and we will become strangers. If we continuously think of ourselves first and glutton ourselves with pride, envy, success seeking, or status, we will lose everyone’s respect. If we turn a blind eye to injustice and evil, eventually, the devil will take over and we’ll be caught in his snare.
I’ve let go of everything in this life but the things that matter. Money doesn’t matter – it’s nice to have to do things you want to do and enjoy – but I am not driven by it. Success and status mean nothing to me, yet every day I see people seeking this in every way they can and looking down on others to make themselves feel larger than they are. I do not seek those things in life. I seek genuine friendships and relationships based on mutual trust, understanding, respect and genuine love.
I had to do some pruning in my life. I had held on to some things – whether situations, people, circumstances…I let them go. It was very hard to do. They appeared “good” on the outside…good people I associated with, but were poisoning me to be around. I learned that I was only there to be used by them, to elevate them or provide a step up with my back they had no problem stepping on. I thought I had to do this to be a good person. But it was killing me.
I let go of my desire for being used with my gifts and talents. I laid it all down, lost it all, lost myself. The death of Sonia V. Nothing entangles me any longer. Man’s opinion of me, whether good or bad, does not drive my life anymore. It used to imprison me. I only seek the opinion of one God. I’m free, and I’m learning to dream again…I really want to find joy in it’s true state. I allowed it to be stolen by foolish people. I’m guarding it with a vengeance from now on. By losing, I have won. “Oh Sweet Tragedy…I’m alive, you set me free!” (from the song Begin Again – first single coming 2009)
I do not ever want to be in need or want of anything again. I think Gandhi was on to something.
“I’m letting go of everything I used to know
It was all a lie, but not the truth is coming to the light..
I’m gonna be alright, despite the blow
that everybody knows I’ve been exposed…showing off my true side”
(from “True Side” – new album 2009)
Look for more heart on my sleeve and gutts being spilled as we get ready to release the new album “Oh Sweet Tragedy/anthems from the ashes” – coming Spring/Summer 2009. My very own “Reality Album”.